the 4 queen commandments™

A NOTE FROM DAYSHA

So I am a huge psych nerd, and when I was thinking about what it meant to live a more unapologetically self-confident life, I couldn't help but think of what Abraham Maslow describes as being self-actualization within his hierarchy of needs theory.

Maslow and his hierarchy of needs theory changed the game in the world of motivational psychology. He developed a five-stage psychological theory identifying what he believed were key human needs for a boss-ass life. He believed that people were only motivated to fulfill their true potential once they satisfied their lower level needs, with the ultimate goal being to reach a state of self-actualization. To Maslow, being self-actualized meant feeling fully supported in all other areas of your life so that you are able to passionately pursue what matters most to you; it is having the ability to make confident choices that put you in direct control of your life and happiness; it is what I would call being a boss queen.

In my eyes, a boss queen is a woman who we have all aspired to be. She is a woman who knows how to be powerful, persuasive, and respected. She is a woman who always manages to get what she wants without burning bridges. She is a woman who lives her life on her own terms, and no one else’s. But most importantly, she is a woman who confidently faces any challenges she may come across with nothing but love, peace, and unapologetic fierceness™. As women, being a boss queen is at the heart of what self-actualization holds for us.

However, Maslow also believed that the rise and attainment of self-actualization was not stable. A grand or even slight change in a person's environment (divorce, bullying, domestic violence, etc) could knock one down a level. And one could only become self-actualized again once the needs of that deficient level were met.

Maslow's theory resonated so strongly with me because of my innate passion to motivate others to want to become the best versions of themselves. But as I really started to examine the different needs, I couldn't help but notice that needing to fulfill many of the lower level stages (like physical safety, high self-esteem, and strong relationships) often left women at a constant disadvantage when attempting to become a boss queen. Given that our society has created a culture that constantly attempts to inhibit women from getting adequate access to the basic and psychological needs outlined in Maslow's theory, women tend to have a much harder time achieving self-actualization. 

While finding the time to become your most unapologetically fierce self is ideal, and seems so necessary in theory, in real life however, women are often too bogged down with both pressing concerns (like trying to preserve reproductive rights) and bullshit-ass concerns (like worrying about being married at an arbitrary age) in order to devote any real time or energy towards becoming the boss queen that they've always wanted to be.

Many women have never had an equal opportunity to become the boss queen they deserve to be, and my offering to this problem is Yes Queen and the 4 Queen Commandments™. 

Part of how I imagined motivating the average person to get one step closer towards becoming a boss queen is by using the 4 Queen Commandments™ to redefine one's purpose in a way that gives their goals a greater sense of understanding, urgency, importance, and tangibility. I believe that honing in on these ideals will give people the unwavering confidence to stick to, and make time for the choices that will most fulfill them. 

In my mind, at the core of self-actualization, and being a boss queen is one's ability to make clear, controlled, confident, choices that leave them with nothing to feel sorry about or to question. It is about being able to live a life free of self-doubt and second-guesses, and doing something for your life because it feels 100% right by you. To me, that is the greatest example of living life to its fullest potential. But as I'm sure you're all wondering, how exactly do we get to a place where we can finally become the boss queen we’ve always desired to be?