Buzzfeed

A collection of poems in which Daysha produced videos for during her time working at BuzzFeed.

What I Wish Someone Told Me About Having Sex (Safe Sex)

Written, directed and produced by Daysha Veronica.
Interns: Julian Terry (Camera Operation), Maggie Jung (AD), and Scott Pawley (Sound).

I thought I knew everything there was to know about having safe sex;
always carry a condom and never ever get pregnant.
But I guess what I needed more than a dental dam
was a mental dam
because I just can’t stop thinking about you.
People love to talk about how to avoid STI’s of the physical kind,
but nobody likes to talk about the STI’s that can destroy your mind.
The ones that can have you tossing and turning at 3 am,
racking your brain, and constantly wondering “was I not good enough for him?”
“Was this just supposed to be a one time thing?”
Or my favorite one, “how could I be so stupid enough to let him in?”
My sister always told me that my body was a temple.
So never let a person in that doesn’t take the proper time to worship you
because you are a goddess that is truly worth sacrificing for.
And I only wish that I had taken the time to listen to her
more often.
But instead, I choose to listen to you.
And that would have been ok
if it weren’t for the fact that your love for me was untrue,
because you liked someone else when you said that you liked me too.
Then deception turned into a matter of perception,
and everything started to feel like 50 questions
except at the end of the day
I was still left guessing,
and this asshole kept testing
my patience.
But my mama said, “patience is a virtue,”
and you said, “baby, I’d never want to hurt you”
but you did.
You fucked me over,
and left my brain impregnated with your bastard babies
called memories.
It was all fun and games when I let you up in me,
but now you won’t even take joint custody.
It took all but two texts to get you through my door,
but let me text you about some child support;
just an honest why…
Because I will never let myself be reduced to some 2 am whore
creeping out of windows, and sneaking through back doors.
I will never let myself be reduced to some side chick;
just another side dish at the kitchen table for you to pick at
while you wait for your main entrée;
to just being your other bitch.
I am a person.
I have feelings and emotions that have a right to be protected.
And just having a vagina and two tits
should not make me any less deserving of your time
or someone to be disrespected.
So if you are going to choose to be with her over me…
Well I guess you have to do what’s best then.
I guess I just wish that we had used
both mental and physical protection,
and taken the time to have a conversation
about what this all really meant
before we had sex.

What If I Knew That I Was Beautiful...

Written, directed, and produced by Daysha Veronica.
Interns: Karen Du (Camera Operation and Sound).
Special thanks to Safiya Nygaard and Will Neff.

You say, “I don’t know that I’m beautiful,”
but what if I did…
Wouldn’t you call me a bitch?
Wouldn’t you say that I was stuck up and vain,
and a whole bunch of other unnecessary bullshit?
Wouldn’t you try to cut my confidence down to half it’s size
so that you could swoop in, and tell me I don’t know I’m beautiful,
as if this was some sort of surprise?
Well I have news for you…
I am not a parking ticket looking for your validation.
Your songs filled with sweet nothings are no longer allowed to park for free.
They are no longer allowed to cheapen my self esteem.
You say, “I don’t know that I’m beautiful,”
but what if I did…
What if I looked in the mirror, and actually liked what I saw;
make up or no make up, flaws and all?
What if I woke up really feeling myself,
and could post a selfie to instagram without any self-doubt?
No questions, contemplations, or hesitations
because the only person’s confirmation I would need
is my own.
You say, “I don’t know that I’m beautiful,”
but what if I did…
And I accepted compliments at face value,
instead of constantly feeling the need to devalue myself
for the sake of someone else.
“No, stop. You’re just saying that to be nice.”
“You’re just saying that because your my friend.”
If you’ve ever caught yourself saying these words,
please take a moment and think again.
Please take a moment to marvel at the radiance of your beauty,
both on the outside and from within.
Don’t be afraid to be a woman who likes herself.
There is no need to love your body with trepidation.
Because that bottomless pit of hesitation that you feel
are just false expectations appearing real.
So don’t let your fear get the best of you
because every part of you is the best of you.
And if that is a crime,
if this just so happens to offend everyone else,
I guess I will be doing bad all by myself.

Things I Wish I Could Tell My Mom (Dear Mama)

Written by Daysha Veronica.
Directed and produced by Ryan Bergara and Daysha Veronica.
Interns: Freddie Ransome (sound).

Mama says you’re a pretty girl.
You’re my angel,
my baby,
my star,
my world.
But if this is true, Mama,
if this is fact,
then why do you say such hurtful comments to me?
How can you do me like that?
“You look like slut in that dress.”
“Those yoga pants say that you want much more.”
“And if you leave my house looking like that,
everyone will think that you’re just another loose girl.”
But why should I care, Mama?
Why should what they think matter?
Because nothing hurts me more than when you point out
that my thighs have gotten fatter.
Or that being sexual person makes me a bad daughter.
Mama says you’re a pretty girl.
You’re my angel,
my baby
my star
my world.
But if this is true, Mama,
if this is fact,
then why do you talk about my body
the way that you do?
How can you do me like that?
I’m either your little good girl or that slut who likes it rough.
But when I plead in opposition,
you say girl, you need to calm down and listen.
You’re just a little too tough.
You need to smile just a tad bit more,
but not too much because then you’ll look like a whore.
I either eat too much or not enough.
I’m too thin or too thick;
too fat or too skinny.
But Mama why can’t you hear me?
I have a woman’s body
and I will not apologize for that.
It’s the body that you passed down to me.
So how can you shame me like that?
These thick thighs.
These full lips.
These killer curves.
These bodacious hips.
You’re the one who blessed these gifts upon me.
So why do you say the ugly things that you do about my body?
These questions are not out of spite for you,
neither contempt or disdain;
but I just wish that you would take the time to contemplate
the words you’re always saying
because I can’t live another day
listening to your internalized hate.
It may hurt you to see me in a short skirt,
but there’s nothing that hurts me more that to hear you perpetuate
this virgin-whore dichotomy.
For years and years’ I’ve tried not to let it bother me,
but I can’t anymore because women need to learn to live in harmony.
Divide and conquer;
that’s how they keep us down;
that’s how they hold us back.
They make you feel shameful for the skin you’re in,
and see to it that we pass it on to the next of kin.
But that’s got to stop, Mama!
We can’t be about that life anymore.
I just want to love my body, be a sexual being,
and know that you won’t see me as just another whore;
that you’ll still think of me positively;
that you’ll be able to see me for more than just my body.
Mama says you’re a pretty girl.
You’re my angel,
my baby,
my star,
my world.
But if this is true, Mama,
if this is fact,
I need you to stop saying
the hurtful things you say to me.
I need you to have my back.

I Am Not That Girl

Written, directed, and produced by Daysha Veronica.
Interns: Rachel Dodson and Dartanion London (Camera Operation) and Safiya Nygaard (Sound).

I’ve never been that girl;
that girl who comes out of a relationship, and instantly finds herself in another.
Effortlessly.
Like it was destiny.
I guess it was just never destined for me
to be that girl.
That girl who never stops having people confess their unyielding love for them;  
that girl who people can’t stop talking about how pretty they are;
that girl who can get guys to buy her a drink at the bar;
all at the smack of her patent leather soft lips
and a little hair flip.
Effortlessly.
Like it was destiny.
I guess it was just never destined for me
to be that girl.
That girl who knows how to flirt properly;
that girl who can put her make up on flawlessly;
that girl who can post a photo to instagram, and not find a million insecurities
lurking at the tips of her fingers as she presses the share button.
And I know I shouldn’t let these things define my femininity.
I know that I shouldn’t let these things bother me
but they do.  
It’s like having a lack of male attention in this world is seen as an abnormality.
It’s seen as less than womanly.
And I’m always forced to ask myself
what’s wrong with me?
But maybe it’s because I was never destined to be that girl.
Maybe it’s because I was destined to be something more;
to be that girl who just lives her life;
that girl who loves herself for who she is
and doesn’t rely on male attention to make herself feel alright.
That girl who knows what she wants and fights until it’s hers
That girl who still has insecurities,
but at the end of the day
just says whatever
because we all know who runs the world.
Yeah, I want to be that girl.

Let It Out

Written, directed, and produced by Daysha Veronica.
Interns: Kenny Moffit, Claudia Restrepo, and Dartanion London (camera operation and sound)

I’m perplexed…
by people who can’t admit their true feelings for another person.
Baffled,
confused
just completely astounded.
It’s not so much an unrequited love as it is a despited kind of love,
because so many people would rather live in spite of their love
than to fight for their love.
And I don’t know about y’all,
but when I think I’m in love with someone,
I just can’t hold that shit in
And never let the other person know.
And if you’re lucky enough to have me fall in love with you
you best believe there will be a show.
Because love is too grand and too exciting
to just be trapped in the depths of your heart
lurking and hiding.
And, I don’t know, I just really can’t understand people
who hold in their true feelings;
wasting all that time when they could be getting
sexual healing.
So when I think about that,
there’s absolutely no way I could hold my feelings back.
Shit.
I mean really when you love someone,
their touches just feel like fire burning through your veins.
And there is just something so cute and special
about how they say your name.
And the thought of their lips
gently pressed up against your lips,
and their hands gliding up and down your hips,
and good lord help me!
Because I’m getting hot and bothered just thinking about it.
So really I can’t understand
why anyone could be content
with living in a fantasy.
Why wouldn’t you want to take that next step?
Unless you’re content with living a life of
what ifs and regrets.
I know I can’t.
I at least need to know what could possibly happen next.
Even if it’s not the outcome I wanted,
I would at least have to try
because you never know if that girl or guy
Could be the one.
So don’t let them get away
just believe in yourself.
Stop overthinking it,
and let that shit out.